


Fruity Rumpass Asshole Factory

by sireva



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-01 09:38:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5201066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sireva/pseuds/sireva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some of Dave and Karkat's romantic development before and during the 3-year time period on the meteor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> each part separated by the --- is a different time period or just a different scene. I'm sure you can figure out when on the timeline the first part starts. Also for the sake of my life, I could not color code this thing I tried and failed hard. AND  
> PLEASEEE POINT OUT TYPOS MY GOODNESS I AM TERRIBLE ON A KEYBOARD

CG: THAT PUTRID SMELL IN THE AIR? IT’S MY FUCKING ETERNAL MISERY ROTTING AWAY IN THE ATTIC FOR MY GRANDCHILDREN TO OPEN A BOX AND SAY “WHO’S THIS DOUCHEBAG” AND DON’T EVEN BOTHER TOSSING IT IN THE RECYCLING BIN, BECAUSE, FUCK ME AND MY PITIFUL STATE, RIGHT? WELL FUCK YOU BECAUSE I DON’T DANCE AROUND LIKE SOME ASSHOLE MACABRE IN A GREASY KITCHEN TO BE TOLD THAT I’M A PIECE OF SHIT BY SOMEONE OTHER THAN MYSELF!!! HONESTLY, IF I COULD, I’D GRAB THAT SHIT BY ITS FUCKING VENOUS NECK AND WRING IT DRY OF THE DISGUSTING “SWILL” THAT SWIMS IN IT! BUT NO, BECAUSE ONCE A SHITFACE ALWAYS A SHITFACE, AS I LIKE TO REITERATE FROM MY WONDERFUL DREAD OF A BRAIN. I’M A FUCKING DEADBEAT WRIGGLER AND I DESERVE ALL THIS BULLSHIT THAT SHOWS ITSELF UP ON MY FRONT PORCH OH LOOK THERE’S A LETTER ATTACHED, “DEAR KARKAT, GO FUCK YOURSELF! SIGNED, HUMANITY.” WHAT A JOYOUS DAY, NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO DO JUST THAT. AND AS QUIETLY AS I CAN I SHINE MY KNOB WITH A NEW BOTTLE OF MAHOGANY WOOD OIL, WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS.  
TG: my god what the hell are you talking about  
TG: do you just like open your mouth and not stop  
TG: just keep it open for all those flies to settle in and raise a family  
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP  
TG: thats what im sayin  
EB: guys i think were all just a little stressed thats all!  
CG: NO SHIT I THOUGHT ALL THIS WAS AN ATTEMPT AT SOME CLASSICAL TOMFOOLERY AND SHENANIGANS  
TG: that sounds better than whatever the fuck is happening at this moment  
TG: listen can we get it this over with im kind of busy with some imps  
TG: just lay all those gay emotions youve been holding inside yourself all this time on the god damn mahogany table  
TG: nice and shiny like its been recently polished  
TG: but all the wood oil is gone who the fuck used it up  
CG: SAYS THE MOST EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED PERSON TO EVER EXIST IN PARADOX SPACE!!! SERIOUSLY YOU’RE WORSE THAN ME AND THATS SAYING SOMETHING.  
EB: guuuuuuuuys!  
TG: john im a girl  
EB: what?!  
TG: nothing its an in-joke with someone that isnt even here  
CG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU JUST CAN’T KEEP YOUR SPASM CHUTE SHUT FOR MORE THAN TEN MINUTES ABOUT THAT ASSHOLE CAN YOU?!  
TG: that was an in-joke with my dog  
TG: my dead dog  
TG: do you feel bad now  
CG: MY FUCKING CONDOLENCES THEN  
EB: dave i didnt know you had a dog, when?!  
TG: i never did  
CG: FUCK  
TG: seriously can i go this is pointless  
CG: NO YOU SIT YOUR ASS DOWN ON THAT HARD ASS CONCRETE AND BLINK YOUR PRETTY LITTLE RED EYES AND OPEN UP YOUR COGNITIVE LOBE SPONGE AND LISTEN  
TG: you think my eyes are pretty  
CG: EVERYTHING IS GOING TO SHIT AND ITS YOUR ASSHOLES FAULT SO NOW WE GOTTA HATCH A PLAN KEEP YOU THE FUCK AWAY FROM OUR SESSION AND MAKE THIS TIMELINE NONEXISTENT SO SUCCESSFUL-TIMELINE ME CAN SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SIP SOME TEA EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE AND YOU GUYS CAN CONTINUE TO BE AS REVOLTING AS YOU ALWAYS FUCKING ARE ON YOUR GREEN AND BLUE PLANET LIKE FUCK IF THAT PLANET WAS ORBITING SKAIA IT’D BE THE MOST BORING FUCKING PLANET, LIKE LAND OF SALT AND MINERALS OR SOME BULLSHIT

\---

CG: DAVE I WAS REGRETTABLY GOING THROUGH SOME OLD PRIVATE MEMOS FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON AND ID LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING SUCH AN OBNOXIOUS SHITFACE ALL THE TIME  
TG: no biggie that was like a million years ago kar  
CG: STILL WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ID SPEW SHIT FOR FUCKING HOURS WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU STOP ME  
TG: not even your future or past selves could stop you how could you expect anyone else to do so  
CG: YOURE RIGHT HOLY SHIT  
TG: of course i am also is this all you came to say or  
TG: cuz im mixing some fresh beats and i dont know why youre not hear to expose your troll ears to this masterpiece right now  
CG: SORRY IVE BEEN UP TO MY HORNS IN LIKE  
CG: THINKING ABOUT THE FUCKING PAST  
CG: IM JUST SITTING HERE FEELING SORRY FOR MY PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE SELVES AND ITS ALL AMOUNTING TO UTTER ASSHOLERY  
TG: how about you come and mix with me or something  
TG: why waste your time thinking about useless stuff like that seriously  
CG: FUCK OKAY  
CG: ALRIGHT  
CG: IM COMING DOWN  
TG: atta girl  
CG: FUCK OFF

\---

TG: hey  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT  
TG: nothing just bored  
TG: this meteor has absolutely jack shit to do except like  
TG: if i decide to troll my past self which im sure will cause some paradox time shit to go down so that idea is shot down by an imaginary pistol  
CG: THAT’S THE STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD YOU SAY AND IVE READ ALL OF YOUR COMICS  
TG: oh god what  
TG: why  
TG: i feel like a twenty two year old woman cringing as she recalls her scene days of multicolored hair and xd  
CG: IS THAT SOMETHING ALL HUMANS GO THROUGH  
TG: definitely so if you see me shooting xd and ^.^ left and right and blue hair next time you spot me then that is exactly whats going on  
CG: THANKS FOR THE WARNING EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU’RE JUST PULLING MY FUCKING HORN  
TG: you seem less  
TG: vulgar than usual  
TG: its like youre always on your troll period but now its over with congrats on menopause  
CG: WELL FUCK IM SORRY IM NOT SHITTING IN YOUR FACE FOR ONCE IN MY MISERABLE LIFE MAYBE IM FEELING PARTICULARLY DECENT RECENTLY!!  
TG: i mean thats a good thing  
TG: little by little its like im getting used to being here which im not sure whether thats a good thing or a bad thing  
CG: I FEEL KIND OF RELIEVED  
CG: LIKE WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT THATS IT WAIT A COUPLE SWEEPS  
CG: WELL MORE THAN A COUPLE BUT ITS STILL GOOD TO KNOW THERES SOME END GOAL AND WE JUST HAVE TO WAIT IT THE FUCK OUT  
CG: AND IT DOESNT FEEL ABSOLUTELY SHITTY  
TG: yeah yeah i feel what youre dishing out  
TG: rose and kanaya seem pretty well off too  
TG: they broke a wedding bottle and stepped the shit out of it  
TG: now they continue to beat the shards in their spare time  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY ABOUT SLOPPY ALIEN MAKEOUTS THOUGH NOBODY EVER FUCKING LISTENS TO ME EVEN WHEN IM USUALLY RIGHT!!! THERES ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT ALREADY PLEASE CEASE AND DESIST THIS HELL  
TG: it seems were the only two on this meteor that havent madeout yet  
TG: and mayor doesnt count hes too great and nobody deserves him  
CG: ARE YOU SUGGESTING WE START THEN? SURE THING JUST COME BY MY RESPITEBLOCK AND ILL PLANT YOU A BIG ONE ON THOSE LIPS YOU WONT EVER FORGET THIS STRIDER YOU HAVE WROUGHT SOMETHING THAT WILL BE “TOO MUCH TO HANDLE”  
TG: whoa  
TG: what  
TG: dude no im just joking  
TG: no more alien makeouts will be ensuing anytime soon believe it  
CG: I KNOW IM FUCKING JOKING TOO STRIDER HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOURE THE ONE FREAKING OUT HERE  
TG: i wasnt freaking out  
CG: WHATEVER I WAS JUST WAITING FOR THAT FAMOUS LINE EGBERT SPILLED ON ME AFTER MY AWKWARD AS FUCK ADVANCES  
CG: IM GLAD /THATS/ IN THE PAST FUCK  
TG: what  
CG: NOTHING! IM GOING TO SLEEP  
TG: ok  
TG: see ya

\---

CG: OK HERES THE FUCKING DEAL  
CG: WE ARE GOING TO DEAL WITH THIS SO WELL SO LISTEN HERE IT IS IM LAYING IT ON THE FUCKING MAHOGANY TABLE  
CG: WE BOTH PRETEND THAT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED AND GO ON WITH OUR UTTERLY BORING AND INEVITABLY MISERABLE LIVES SOUND GOOD  
TG: dude theres nothing to deal with youre the one freaking out here  
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERES NOTHING TO DEAL WITH DID SOMETHING ALTER YOUR FUCKING MEMORIES  
CG: ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?  
TG: shit yes can you calm down  
CG: OH GOD THIS IS LIKE SOLLUX ALL OVER AGAIN EXCEPT WE NEVER WENT PAST FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER WHY AM I EVEN TELLING YOU WHY AM I EVEN STILL SPEAKING WHY DOES THIS CONVERSATION HAPPENING  
TG: let me tell you something but first calm the fuck down karkat  
TG: are you calm?  
TG: i am assuming yes and that you are not typing out another run on sentence  
TG: sometimes it goes days without us seeing each other on this shit forsaken meteor  
TG: and this happens to be one of those weeks  
TG: so weve both had like two days to think about what went down  
TG: and ive been doing a lot of thinking even before this happened with all the time i have alone tt:and all the space i have here  
TG: to realize  
TG: a lot  
TG: of things  
TG: and about what happened  
TG: i dont regret that  
TG: but if you do tthen thats fine and we can forget it  
TG: karkat?  
CG: WAIT I THOUGHT HUMANS WERENT HOMOSEXUALS OR WHATEVER THE FUCK?  
TG: is that what john told you because some of us are and im not but theres lots of different words to describe our human sexuality  
CG: SO YOURE ATTRACTED TO THE SAME SEX THEN  
TG: i can see thats what you were mostly freaking out about so since thats out of the way how do you feel  
CG: IM NOT SURE  
CG: LIKE I WOULDNT RULE IT OUT  
CG: ANYTHING WITH YOU I MEAN I DONT KNOW EXACTLY I THINK I NEED MORE TIME  
CG: FUCK I CANT BELIEVE THIS  
CG: THE FIRST TIME I TALKED TO JOHN IT WAS THE MOST AWKWARD SHIT AND I HAD JUST BARELY MET HIM AND NOW IM HERE BEING ALL RELUCTANT  
TG: thats not a bad thing if you need time then you need time and ill give that to you along with space if you need it  
CG: FUCK THIS IS MAKING YOU MORE APPEALING STOP IT  
TG: so then its not love-hate its like love-love  
CG: DONT SAY LOVE MY GOG  
TG: fine  
TG: i have very vague knowledge on troll romance anyway  
TG: seemed stupid  
CG: WELL ITS ABOUT TO BECOME THE BASE OF YOUR PROBLEMS STRIDER  
CG: BECAUSE TROLL ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN HUMAN ROMANCE  
TG: could you indulge me on some humanly level then  
TG: so my measly human brain in my human skull can comprehend the amount of complexity that is troll romance  
CG: WELL SINCE YOU ASKED I WILL NOW INDULGE YOU WITH MULTIPLE PARAGRAPHS  
CG: BACK  
CG: TO BACK  
CG: TO BACK  
CG: JUST KIDDING BUT HERE I GO  
TG: ok  
CG: YOU’RE ALREADY AWARE OF THAT FOUR QUADRANTS STAND RIGHT?  
TG: yes  
CG: THESE ARE THE QUADRANTS LEFT RIGHT TOP TO BOTTOM  
CG: FLUSHED, PALE, CALIGINOUS, ASHEN  
CG: THE TOP TWO CONSIST OF POSITIVE FEELINGS WHILE THE BOTTOM TWO CONSIST OF HATRED AND THE TWO ON THE LEFT HEMISPHERE ARE CONCUPISCENT WHILE ON THE OPPOSITE IT IS CONCILIATORY  
TG: holy shit so it is like a weird love-hate shipping grid got it  
CG: FLUSHED IS THE HUMAN EQUIVALENCE TO DATING LIKE WITH RED MUSHY FEELINGS  
CG: PALE IS THE CLOSEST TO THE HUMAN DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP  
CG: CALIGINOUS IS WELL THIS IS WHERE IT GETS A LITTLE TOO ELABORATE FOR HUMANS TO FULLY UNDERSTAND  
CG: CALIGINOUS IS WHEN YOU HATE SOMEONE ENOUGH THAT YOU THINK MAYBE A GOOD RIVALRY WILL COME FROM INTERACTION  
TG: so you hate someone enough that you want to hate fuck them  
CG: YEAH PRETTY MUCH  
CG: GUESS I DONT HAVE TO GO INTO THAT ONE MORE  
CG: SINCE IT DOESNT EVEN APPLY HERE  
CG: AND ASHEN DOESNT APPLY BUT THATS WHEN THERES AN UNEVEN CALIGINOUS RELATIONSHIP OCCURRING AND A THIRD PARTY IS REQUIRED IN ORDER TO MEDIATE BETWEEN THE TWO MAIN PARTIES  
TG: this is the flushed quadrant im hoping  
CG: WERE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS WE ARE TALKING ABOUT TROLL ROMANCE IN GENERAL  
CG: BUT  
CG: YEAH  
CG: IT WOULD BE FLUSHED FEELINGS  
CG: I FUCKING GUESS  
CG: I STILL HATE YOU THOUGH  
TG: wait is it possible for two different quadrants to intersect  
TG: like can you have flushed feelings and caliginous feelings or even pale feelings at the same time or have that fluctuating  
TG: like sometimes you love the guy but other times you loathe him and kinda wanna hate fuck him or have hate alien makeouts but other times you just wanna jam out or chill on the couch or something  
CG: ITS NOT UNHEARD OF BUT USUALLY IN TROLL CULTURE RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THAT END IN FUCKING CHARRED FLAMES THOUGH IT SEEMS THIS IS A RECURRING THEME IN HUMAN ROMANCE  
CG: ALSO THATS SUBTLE AS SHIT  
CG: IM SO USED TO JUST HATE FLIRTING BACK AND FORTH AND SOMEHOW ITS WAY EASIER TO EXPRESS YOUR HATE FOR SOMEONE RATHER THAN FLUSHED EMOTIONS  
TG: egderp once told me he thought youd be better as a human than a troll  
CG: I DONT KNOW WHETHER I SHOULD TAKE THAT AS AN INSULT OR A COMPLIMENT BUT EITHER WAY WHO GIVES A FUCK  
TG: i guess  
TG: so  
TG: like  
TG: is this going to be a thing then  
TG: you and me i mean  
CG: IF YOURE FUCKING WILLING TO GIVE AN ASSHOLE LIKE ME A CHANCE I MEAN IM A TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT TOOL  
TG: sure  
TG: yeah  
TG: yes  
TG: lets do it lets make this happen kar  
TG: im so willing to go into this and to explore all of this junk  
TG: i would never have seen myself like this like 2 years ago  
TG: i was this cool and aloof dude that didnt care about feelings but now i see feelings are an important ingredient in the friendship stew  
TG: and like i want to take the time to see what ive been missing out on while i was being an insufferable prick  
TG: and i dont know i just hope youre just as willing as i am  
CG: IM  
CG: TOTALLY WILLING IM SO WILLING I CANT ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS  
CG: UH WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW  
TG: left wing the jam room  
CG: OK  
CG: ILL BE THERE IN A BIT  
CG: (:B  
TG: and ill still be here B)  
TG: god you are nerdy as fuck

\---

CG: WHERE EVEN THE FUCK ARE YOU IVE BEEN WANDERING AROUND LIKE A WRIGGLER THAT GOT SEPARATED FROM THEIR LUSUS  
CG: SO IT JUST SITS THERE CRYING LIKE THE USELESS GARBAGE IT IS TILL SOMEONE COMES TO PICK IT UP OUT OF PITY  
TG: dont take that analogy any farther  
TG: everytime one of you troll assholes spews something about your troll culture it gets even more fucked up  
CG: SERIOUSLY I AM BORED OUT OF MY SPONGE LOBE  
TG: can you not not say stupid alien things like that anymore  
TG: like we get it youre an alien so cool with your alien words and parts  
CG: WHAT THAT IS LIKE A LEGIT THING THOUGH WHAT THE FUCK  
CG: WHATEVER JUST TELL ME YOUR LOCATION ASAP  
TG: whoa someones eager  
TG: i am but a virgin pure and whole and youre the jock taking me under the bleachers  
CG: ENOUGH OF YOUR IMAGINARY HUMAN CONCEPTS  
TG: dude where i always am what do you even expect me to say  
CG: WHAT I JUST CHECKED THERE LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO  
TG: check again  
CG: OK WAIT  
TG: what  
CG: ACTUALLY IM TOO MUCH OF PUSSY TO SAY THIS STUFF OUT LOUD  
CG: PRETTY SURE MY BRAIN WILL PROCESS MY WORDS AND TRANSLATE THEM INTO SCREAMING WHEN SAID OUT LOUD  
CG: LIKE  
CG: HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO OVERBEARINGLY HARD  
TG: hey i dont judge im a perfectly open minded guy that can take some topics into the “open minded’ corner  
CG: THIS IS LIKE EMBARRASSING THOUGH  
CG: UHHHH I REALLY LIKE YOU A LOT LIKE I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD HATE SOMEONE ENOUGH TO ABIDE MY HATEFULNESS AND THEN EGBERT CAME ALONG AND LEFT LITERALLY ONE SECOND AFTER ENTERING THE POSSIBILITY ZONE  
CG: AND THEN YOU TROT IN HERE LOOKING ALL SMUG AND SHIT AND I HAVE THESE OVERFLOWING RED FEELINGS FOR YOU NOW WHICH  
CG: I WOULDNT HAVE IMAGINED IN A MILLION SWEEPS  
TG: thats fine people change ive changed too and its something completely normal that happens  
CG: I CANT HELP BUT FEEL LIKE YOU JUST PITY A PATHETIC GUY LIKE ME THOUGH  
GC: L1K3 YOUR3 JUST L1K3 OH F1N3 TH1S GUY W1LL N3V3R G3T ROM4NT1C W1TH 4NYBODY 3V3R M1GHT 4S W3LL G1V3 H1M TH4T NOW OR N3V3R  
TG: no nope no no no stop thinking that  
TG: that is not at all what i am thinking  
TG: right now im thinking how fucking cute you are like how impossibly cute can you be even with all your yelly cussy shit  
TG: its incredible im even saying this but honesty is the best policy and im the fucking manager so of course im gonna manage this so greatly that the corporation of honesty will call and promote me to ceo  
CG: OH MY JEGUS YOU HAVE NO FUCKING SHAME DO YOU STRIDER ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME INTO CARDIAC ARREST  
CG: THIS IS PURE SHITSTORM OF UNDENIABLY SMOOTH WORDS AND THEM STABBING ME REPEATEDLY WHILE I WIGGLE ABOUT LIKE A FUCKING WORM  
TG: shoulda warned you im smooth as fuck ill get your blood pumpin baby  
CG: JUST STOP TYPING ALTOGETHER IF YOURE GONNA BE SAYING MUSHY SHIT LIKE THAT BECAUSE IT DEFINITELY DOES NOT RAISE MY TEMPERATURE ANY HIGHER THAN IT SHOULD BE AND BOTHERED  
CG: IM JUST SITTING HERE SMASHING MY KEYBOARD LIKE A GRADE A ASSHOLE  
TG: haha im in my room if you wanted to know  
CG: YES THANK YOU THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I CAME HERE TO ACQUIRE AND EXPECTED TO SUSTAIN BUT INSTEAD YOU SPEW THESE INCONCEIVABLE WORDS AT ME SO I WILL GLADLY TAKE THAT AND LEAVE TO ANY PLACE BUT THE AFOREMENTIONED LOCATION  
TG: see you  
CG: SMUG  
CG: FUCKER

\---

There’s a subtle knock at the slidey-metal door and Dave instinctively flashsteps to press the open button on the pad. The door slides open with an automatic wir and Karkat is standing there almost coyly, looking down at the ground like it’s so interesting. Dave cannot help but quirk a tiny smile at that,

“Hey.”

Karkat pushes past him and takes a few steps into the room. It was nearly bare of furniture, A makeshift bed that looked more like a gigantic bean bag than anything and a fridge to one side(probably up to its brim with applejuice and whatnot- I mean, probably, if any were available), a three-row shelf too- with a couple books situated actually. There was also a desk with a lamp light and Dave’s husktop sitting atop it. And the room’s walls are pasted with shitty posters.

“Hey, asshole.” Karkat still isn’t making eye contact.

The tension in the room is undeniable and it’s been like that. Two dudes exploring unexplored feelings, like uncharted areas and they’re two navigating guys filling in the blanks on the map. Granted, it’s going to be messy and inevitably bumpy. But somehow, another inevitability, was that it would turn out fine in the end. Dave took special comfort in that feeling and made sure to be of near constant reassurance of that to Karkat too in his own way. Though, it seemed conversation about these particular emotions seems far easier to relay through messages than in person. They do enjoy each other’s company and all and sometimes they just sit in each other’s presence and it’s great but Dave thinks it’s about time they whip out their white paper and black ink and get charting.  
“Welcome to the asshole factory, admission is free for kids ten and younger.” Dave walks over to his ‘bed’, snatching karkat’s idling hand along the way, and plops them both upon its squishy surface.

“What’s the admission fee for the older?” Karkat asks with furrowed brows, still not making it easier to have him see suggestively raised eyebrows.

“A big, fat smooch on the mouth.” Dave does smirk(Karkat’s the only one in the room anyway) but doesn’t make any motion toward Karkat.

Karkat just steals a glance at him, maybe trying to be discrete but failing miserably.

“Did I ever tell you how cute you are?”

This catches alight a reaction from Karkat. He furiously whips his head to face Dave, “Yes! That is just about the only fucking thing you say ever nowadays!!!” But he doesn’t know it’s because that’s just about as much Dave can handle saying out loud, even with his usual straightforwardness. Feelings did strange things to an individual. Strange indeed.

“Can I get serious for a second here before this veers off into some incomprehensive vintage irony filled bullshitery?” Dave scoots closer to karkat on the not-so-firm but not-too-squishy bean bag. karkat’s kind of sitting there awkwardly with his knees to his chest in a defensive way and his arms resting atop them, though his head is lifted. Dave reaches over to take ahold of Karkat’s chin and he doesn’t miss the subtle flinch.

“Sure, why the fuck not.” He breathes out as he peers up at Dave’s still shaded eyes. At this point Dave himself reaches up to remove them and discards them onto the nearby shelf. He settles back and looks at Karkat- takes his chin hostage once again. Karkat just stares in awe at the color of his blood. Instead of disgusted, he feels warm and like he wants to swim in those eyes or just stare at them benignly forever.

“Can I kiss you?” Dave’s already licking his lips in a languid and unintentionally sexy way and Karkat’s eyes quickly flick down then back up at those warm pools of color.

“Sure.” His eyes widen slightly, and his lips part in anticipation.

And just like that, Dave leans in slowly, making room for Karkat to back out still. He didn’t want to create an uncomfortable atmosphere.

But Karkat doesn’t back away and instead flutters his eyes closed and god his eyelashes are long and beautiful. Dave gently presses his lips onto Karkat’s, slow and lovely. He didn’t want to show how eagerly lascivious he was in actuality. He didn’t want to scare Karkat away.  
So Karkat instead demonstrates exactly how eager he was for this to happen as he pushes Dave back into the cushion, kissing with only the touch of his lips with so much passion- he breaks it to apologize profusely.

“No, don’t apologize. That was…”

“-Terrible! I know, I’m so fucking sor-”

“Delicious.” For lack of better word in his suddenly compact vocabulary. He’s just laying on his back, face blank and staring at the ceiling in momentary stupor.

“What?”

“That was wow, Karkat. Just wow. That’s really all there is to say on the matter. So shut the fuck up and make more of that magic.”

Karkat, surprisingly stupefied by Dave’s words, can only nod with fervor, climbing over to Dave who barely sat up from where he’d been pushed onto his back, barely lifting his head from the bean bag. Karkat tentatively hovers over Dave a second. So, dave takes initiative again and lifts a hand to place on the nape of Karkat’s neck, bringing him down at a faster rate. Their lips crashed this time, and neither cared about the sloppiness of it, even if it was only lips and no tongue. Neither know how they’d feel about that but Dave thinks that would make the kiss better while Karkat thinks it’s a little gross. but they’ll adjust to each other, with time, they’ll learn what they like and what they don’t. Dave would be ecstatic about learning all of these things about someone he may care a lot for, and is eager to learn more about him.

He couldn’t wait and couldn’t hold back at all.

Dave clamps Karkat in a hold by wrapping up his legs around his waist. This brings them even closer and Karkat brings his hand up to caress Dave’s jaw as Dave’s finger rake upwards into Karkat’s hair. They part and Dave is looking up at Karkat through half lidded eyes- darkened somehow- while Karkat tries to catch his breath.

“. . . Really. . . Like you. . .” Karkat whispers nearly inaudible but Dave hears him.

“Me too”

They freeze there, almost forehead to forehead, stupidly gazing into each other’s eyes and a smile creeping on each of their faces.  
A burst of giggles escapes Dave’s mouth, an extreme smile accompanying it. This causes Karkat to burst into a similar fit of guffaws and giggles. Then their laughs become infectious to each other and they continue laughing with closed eyes, Karkat even shoving his face into Dave’s chest and Dave just reaches up to place a hand on his hair and neck as he laughs. Eventually their laughs slowly fade into silence and they continue laying there in content. Dave’s breathing begins to lull Karkat’s eyelids into closing.

“This is so weird.” He murmurs.

“Not really. I like it.” Dave states as casually as he could. 

“me too.” And Dave can feel the smile through his shirt. 

“Dude your nubby horns are almost hitting my face but they’re cute as hell so I don’t even care.”

“Oh my gog.” Groaning in contempt, he attempts to wiggle his hands in Dave’s face and maybe slap him in the face a little. Dave only laughs slightly in reaction. Unbelievably cute. 

“Shut up, just shut up, I can already hear those words in your grating voice.” Karkat says. 

“Excuse me I have the sexiest voice of any man alive. And theres like one other guy but he’s a total dork and doesn’t count.

“More like the most annoying voice fucking ever, please stop talking so near my sponge lobes. Next thing we need is a deaf guy in the group” Karkat’s words are slightly muffled into Dave’s shirt .

“Says mister shouty ass pants. You’re more shouty than troll Adam Sandler in comedic masterpiece, Anger Management. And he’s even more shouty than human Adam Sandler."

“That is the shittiest insult that’s ever escaped your facial carapace.”

“Honestly I should be receiving awards for that. All of the awards.”

“Yeah,” Karkat snorts, “The stoic bastard award.” 

“You fucking bet your nubby, cute horns I will.”

Their conversation continues until they fall asleep that way, until their words become mumbles and Dave’s asking himself if this is love and Karkat’s thinking this is the most relaxed he’s felt in his life.


	2. Random Occurrences!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of things at a bunch of different points! It may seem OOC to most of you but to me, as the person writing it, seems perfect.  
> Please tell me about typos  
> Also I like to think Dave and Karkat liked to wrestle around a lil, be silly, and it'd be a sweet change from Dave getting fuckign brutally owned by his Bro all the time, idk

“I’m glad we’ve gone from awkward text chats to actually hangin in the monochrome flesh.”

“I’m not sure- GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!” Karkat accidentally knocked over his Can Town Tower with a nudge of his foot.

They were both sitting cross-legged on the cold ground, helping Mayor maintain and expand Can Town. Somebody is still yet to be assigned for taxes collection and the sensus is still underway until next week. Being Mayor sure had its overbearing responsibilities, and he can’t do it alone.

“Now I have to start the fuck over, I had like ten fucking cans stacked, fucking shit!”

“Watch this.” Dave uses his flashstep ability to stack ten cans in the blink of an eye.

“What the fuck that’s not fucking fair! You’re using your gog damn hero powers!”

“No i’m not”

“I just fucking saw you!” Karkat gesticulates to the newly built Can Town Tower. 

“But I didn’t use my ‘hero’ powers, I used what I learned from my bro.”  
“Your lusi-not lusi? Your parental unit or whatever?”

“Yeah”

“And this is something humans can just. . Do?!”

“No. I can but I don’t think any other can. Maybe if they train as hard as I did with a ruthless Bro.”

“You keep getting weirder and weirder, Strider.”

“Nah, you love it. You’re like oh shit what other secrets is this dude hiding under his magical time cape? So many fucking secrets, they’re spilling over like a glass of milk, soaking the biscuits.”

“Of course, you’re even more of a private person than any of your human friends.”

“That’s just me, I guess. The secret guy. They’re just shitty secrets so nobody cares though, I don’t even care.”

Karkat just gives him an odd look through a curtain of dark hair and Dave knows he’s lifting an eyebrow in an inquisitorial manner. This is not the time for this- not in front of cute, little Mayor.

“Can production is slowing down over there.”

“Shutup.”

\---

They’re settling down for another shitty movie but Karkat is glad Dave was so persistent in situating a weekly shitty movie night for them both out of boredom. But now it seems like more intimate time to spend together, which has been a lot lately.

“Put in one of your troll movies and just translate it out loud to me.”

Karkat gives Dave the most incredulous look to ever settle upon his features. 

“Wait, what the fuck, are you serious?”

Dave flashes him a smile from where he’s casually sprawled on one end of the couch, “Yeah, man.”

Karkat, who sitting at the other end of the couch in a more dignified manner with the husktop in his lap, is starting to look really happy right now.

“Okay.”

During the movie, it seems like Karkat doesn’t even stop to breath, it’s like he’s already memorized the whole movie’s script and speaks over the characters as they speak. But he looks so into it, so into showing Dave some of his culture and one of his favorite movies(granted, it’s sounding like a troll version of 50 First Dates). And Dave is sort of loving just watching Karkat get so happily into something as simple as translating one his movies out loud. 

after an hour, Karkat’s voice is going hoarse so Dave feigns sleep against Karkat’s shoulder and he stops once he realizes, watching the rest of the movie himself, feeling a little more content than he should and not irritated at all. 

Dave lets a silly little smile slip through the cracks of his facadic sleep and feels Karkat wrapping an arm around his lower waist so his hand is resting flat against his hip. A shiver runs up Dave’s spine at the contact. He’s only been so intimate with so many people, pretty much none at all. karkat’s pretty much the first person- or alien- or whatever to become this close to him, the first time Dave let himself be so relaxed in another bodie’s presence, which he hadn’t had any of except his Bro right up until the game. He feels oddly in peace with it.

“You know that one time I mentioned my Bro and it was really weird and tensiony?”

Dave’s voice startles Karkat out of his slinking relaxation. Dave just makes out a small exclamation of “What the fuck!” before he continues anyway.

“I always spoke about my Bro like he was this huge idol of mine but he was the worst aspect of my life.”

Karkat remains silent.

“He made me into something I hated, I didn’t want to become a hero because of him. He ruined a lot for me. Pretty much everything. But it was all this big thing to prepare me for the game and I get it but he could of done it in a totally different and not fucked up way.” Dave doesn’t know that this was pretty much the same for all of the troll players. Their whole government was made brutal in order to prepare them for the game, they never realized they once had peace like humans did. That’s another thing he and the trolls have in common, at least.

“On the premise of what.. we are.. I guess. This is exactly the type of shit he would disagree with and strife with me for, ultimately beating my ass. Two guys together on earth is kinda not a positively looked upon thing for a lot of people, and my Bro was one of those people I guess.” 

Suddenly a couple of realizations begin to turn gears in Karkat’s head. Oh.

“He probably has this whole nautical idea about it like a lot of other people have. Like how fucking cantankerous could two dudes snuggling all up on each other be? I kinda thought the same thing at some point- like most points of my life- up until recently. Karkat, I’m so fucking happy I spent 2 years and a half on this meteor with you, and with Rose and everyone else, except the juggalo clown. Fuck that guy.”

Karkat guffaws.

“But, anyway. I was really nervous about these developing feelings for you. A dude. And an alien, though that didn’t really matter- how fucked up have things become, seriously? Cultural ignoramus aside, I’m glad it was you.”

They sit there a couple minutes, not another word exchanged. Dave didn’t need verbal approval or comfort from Karkat, he just needed for him to listen, and he did that wonderfully. But Karkat peers down at Dave, who is still resting his head against his shoulder, and leans down to kiss the crown of Dave’s hair. At that, Dave snuggles harder against Karkat’s shoulder, toppling him over. They shift slightly, Dave’s face buried in Karkat’s neck, Karkat’s hands just awkwardly hovered above Dave a second before settling down on his waist. Dave’s breath is warm against Karkat’s neck and it’s making his cheeks rise in temperature. slightly.

“Dave”

“Bluh”

That single syllable was rather warm against his vulnerable as fuck neck!

“I think. . . “ Oh god. Why did he even begin that sentence, there is no way in hell he can even finish that thought let alone speak it, “No….thing…”

“Dude- what the fuck.” Dave quickly sits up, essentially straddling Karkat, and Karkat throws his hands up to cover his face, which is blooming in red.

“Auuughhhhhh!!!”

“Dude is that. . .” Dave brings a hand up to cover the smirk forming on his lips, “Did I give you an alien boner?” Granted, Dave had not the slightest idea how to handle a human boner, let alone an alien boner, he’s pretty sure he’s not even ready for this, but it was kind of hilarious nonetheless.

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up right this instant and get off! Of! Me! You insufferable prick!”

Dave tried to shift off of him onto the other side of the couch, not failing to brush against whatever the fuck was moving around in Karkat’s pants. A moan rides along an exhale leaving Karkat’s mouth and he feels like he’d really love to bite his tongue off and die at this moment.  
“Oh shit.” Yeah, Dave found that little moan arousing. “This is getting sexy and all but I don’t think-”

“I KNOW!” Karkat sits up completely, closing his eyes in frustration. “I know, I know, I’m kind of getting really fucking nervous right now. I’m sorry you had to feel that like right on the cleft of your ass.”

“I’m sorry for you. Do you have to, like, take care of that?”

Karkat groans in utter frustration and embarrassment, “Probably.”

Dave crawls off of Karkat and stands, Karkat following suit. 

An awkward as fuck pause. 

“You’re mocking me, Strider?! Looks like you have the human equivalent of what i’ve got! So, uh, let’s part fucking ways, I guess.”

“Yeah.”

Wow.

\---

“So I jump away but it was super fast! You should of seen, Dave! I-”

Karkat glances at you with a an indignant expression and you shrug your shoulders with a raise of your brows.

John is retelling a plethora of stories, both true and fantasial. Nonetheless they were also both boring, if only because John keeps talking with no stop sign in sight.

Dave knows that looks meant two things. One: please make this stop and two: are we supposed to fucking say something? He’s your best bro afterall.

But Dave didn’t want to start a conversation that could be suddenly and without warning interrupted. Dream bubbles could only linger for so long before wandering away again. If that happen without Dave finishing an explanation to the otherwise naive John, it could leave the wrong impression.  
So, that means it’ll have to wait until they were actually in each other’s presence. But then who knows how much they would have for even that when they were in constant imminent doom. Dave sighs heavily and John interrupts his own anecdote.

“Dave, are you okay?”

“Huh? Oh yeah. Continue your cool as hell story.”

“If you say so! Anyway-” John wasn’t one to push his friends for answers, especially when they weren’t in private. 

Karkat settles his hand over Dave’s on the ground where they sat, out of John’s view and Dave smiles a little.

After a while they get on the topic of what they’ve missed and catch up. It was pleasant to say the least.

\---

“God damn does Egbert talk a lot sometimes. And when he’s excited it’s like holy shit is this guy going to explode in complete dorkiness?!”

Dave chuckles at that remark, “Yeah, sometimes I think he will, although I haven’t had much chance to speak with him in person. That was like the first time ever.”

“Seemed like a casual encounter to me.”

“I guess..”

“Holy shit when will these awkward as shit moments pass?!”

“Well, I didn’t think this was that awkward. I kinda reveled in the silence.”

“Oh you mother fucker!”

Karkat launches himself from the counter he was leaning on- abandoning his cup of gross coffee- and barreled towards Dave. Dave could only give a squeak before he was tackled down to the large red rug in the common room. Rose glances over the rim of her book from the couch at them, her attention returning to the words on the pages after a moment- A smirk is hidden behind the book. A steady tune plays from the phonograph, somewhat a piano lullaby.  
Dave and Karkat are fisiticuffing on the ground, Karkat’s yells prevailing over the music. Dave pushes Karkat back and climbs over him, straddling him, immobilizing his legs with the weight of his own and holding his hands against the ground with his own.  
“Dave: 1, Yelly-Cussy Guy: 0.”

Karkat huffs and struggles to free himself but, alas, Dave is a master in immobilizing. 

“Damnit, Strider!”

“Your blatant flirting is making me wonder why you insist Kanaya and I show a “ridiculous amount of interspecies PDA.”.”

“I’m making it even.”

Using the slight distraction(a distaction perhaps?) to his advantage, Karkat reverses their positions with a flip.

“The only thing you’re making the opposite of even is how many fucking times I’ve beat you! So, HAH! Dave: gets one point redacted due to cheating and Yelly Cussy Guy: plus one thousand!”

Dave lifts a brow, “Cheating?”

“Yes!” 

He suddenly lifts his his off the ground, essentially bucking into Karkat, “How so, Nubby Horns?”

Karkat’s face basically explodes with incredulousness, “Really?! Are we really fucking doing this right fucking here and now? Strider, there are lines that should not be fucking crossed and blinding your friends with your stupidity is one of those lines!!!”

“Yeah, you’re right. Last thing we need is Terezi teaching Rose how to see with her tongue and lick every available surface in the vicinity.” Instead of freeing his hands from Karkat’s hold, he interlocks their fingers and slides is arms up the rug above his head so Karkat’s face leans forward and he can capture his lips in a chaste kiss. With this, Dave re-reverses their positions.

“This is a never ending cycle of hell.” Karkat groans. 

At this point in time Kanaya enters the common room, her eyes immediately widening at the boys on the ground. 

“Evening, Kanaya. I’ve picked up one of those books you recommended while referencing to the Alternian to English convert you wrote for me. It’s taking longer than I thought but I’m getting there.” Rose pats the couch cushion next to her. 

Kanaya continues eyeing them as she makes her way over and sits, “What’s going on here? Some sort of human courtship ritual?” She whispers into Rose’s ear. 

“At least take me out to dinner first.”

“Huh?”

“No, they were just rolling around, establishing their dominance. Frankly, I believe Karkat will end up dominant.”

“Although Dave is- wait, this in none of our business, really. And although I'd love to divulge in this conversation we cannot. We have our business and they have theirs.”

“Well, it won’t stop me from being curious.” Rose winks.


End file.
